1. I resolve to be a kinder, gentler soul who sees beauty in all God’s creatures. Barring that, I resolve to think slightly better of the neighbour’s stupid Doberman.
2. I resolve to work on my obsessive-compulsive tendencies and bathe only 8 times a day instead of my usual 24.
3. I will not torment the family fish by frantically waving my paw in the tank.
4. I will not lie to my owner about whether my paw was in the fish tank or if it accidentally just got wet in my water dish.
5. I will not brag when I win yet another stare-down contest with my owner. (I am the champion!)
6. I will not scarf down my food so fast that I have to throw up a mere ten minutes after eating.
7. I resolve to let my owners sleep an extra ten minutes each morning before I start meowing. (However, if they are unable to sleep with me sitting on top of their chests while staring intently — yet silently — into their face, that’s not my problem.)
8. In the interest of fairness, I will give a small cough or clearing of the throat a split second before I pounce on the ____________ [mail carrier / kitten / family dog / cotton mouse / kibble].
9. This is the year I kick the catnip habit!
10. I resolve to stay awake for at least 5 hours a day, lest life pass me by.
"Of all the [cat] toys available, none is better designed than the owner himself. A large multipurpose plaything, its parts can be made to move in almost any direction. It comes completely assembled, and it makes a noise when you jump on it."
Stephen Baker