SMOKEY

1.  I will not eat everyone else’s food

2.  We will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over our humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.

3.  I promise to remember that I cannot jump out of the bedroom window to try to catch the birds flying overhead.

4.  Next Christmas I will NOT try to get to the top of the tree just because I can.

5.  If I am fighting with the neighbour’s cat and my owner picks me up I will not go ballistic in such a fashion that the scars resemble a botched suicide attempt.

STORM

1.  I will not jump on my owner and sit on his chest at 5 in the morning and dig my claws in until he gets up.

2. I promise I will meditate more closely upon the casual relationship between going dumpster diving on Sunday afternoon and projectile vomiting Monday, and being brought to the Evil Place Where They Stick Things Up My Butt on Tuesday. I realize that if I hadn't done the first, none of the other things would have happened (and my owner would NOT get a huge bill).

3.  I don't need to check my male human's aim in the bathroom.

4.  I will come when my human calls me (if I think he is going to feed me)

5.  I will not try to catch the fish when they are trying to feed in the pond and I will NOT try to jump in with them.

SPIKE

1.  I promise not to miaow to go out of the back door and then run around the front and come in the cat flap only to miaow at the back door again.

2.  I will not wash my owner at 6 in the morning

3. I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.

4.  When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms are ‘not’ a hammock.

5.  I will not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing important Emma gnaioerp ga3qi4 taija3tgv aa35a.

 

Dogs Come when Called

"Dogs come when called. Cats take a message and get back to you."

"Of course, every cat is really the most beautiful woman in the room."

Edward Verrall Luca (essayist)

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