‘Gibbs, I was on patrol this morning, in Mum’s bedroom. I asked her to open up one of her cupboards.’
‘Why did you want to look in her cupboard, Casey?’
‘Zombies, Gibbs, Zombies.’
‘Erm, what are Zombies, exactly, Casey?’
‘If I’m being completely honest with you, Gibbs, I have no idea what they look like.’
‘Then how do you know what you’re looking for then?
‘You’ll know when you see one, Gibbs.’
‘Ok, so what happens if you find a Zombie, Casey?’
‘If I’m being completely honest with you, Gibbs, I have no idea what I would do if I happened to find a Zombie. I’ll have to work it out as I go along.’
‘Did you tell Mum you were looking for Zombies, Casey?’
‘Good Heavens, no, Gibbs. There’s no need to frighten her as well as frighten ourselves.’
‘Are we frightened then, Casey?’
‘I think we might be, Gibbs, if we actually saw a Zombie.’
‘So, what was the reason you gave Mum for wanting to look in her cupboard?’
‘I told her it was a Quality Control Inspection, Gibbs. According to Rule #7,802 of the Feline Code of Ethics, we felines have carte blanche to go wherever we deem necessary to seek out and destroy unwanted beings in our Human’s Home.’
‘Goodness me, Casey, Rule #7,802! We certainly have a lot of rules in the Feline Code of Ethics.’
‘All completely necessary, Gibbs, for the smooth running of the Feline and Human Co-Existence.’
‘Erm, what exactly is carte blanche, Casey?’
‘Carte blanche is a cart that someone called Blanche drives, Gibbs.’
‘And she drives us wherever we want to go, then?’
‘I believe so, Gibbs. I can’t say I’ve ever met her in person.’
‘So how do you know what she looks like, if you haven’t met her yet?’ What if she’s an actual Zombie, then we’d be in trouble.’
‘You made a good point, Gibbs. I’ll have to do some more research.’
‘Do I have to look in Mum’s cupboards as well, Casey?’
‘Well, Gibbs, I think you should make a start, then we could do the job together and complete it in half the time. Win-win.’
‘Can I just look in your cupboards with you, Casey? I think I might be frightened if Blanche or a Zombie jumped out on us.’
‘For your first manoeuvre, Gibbs, you can accompany me – just to get the lie of the land, as it were. After that, I’ll take upstairs and you can take downstairs.’
‘Mum must be brave Casey.’
‘What makes you say that Gibbs?’
‘She’s always looking in her cupboards for something. Maybe she’s looking for Zombies as well.’
‘I have to correct you there, Gibbs. Mum doesn’t know the Zombies MIGHT be in her cupboards. So, I don’t think bravery comes into it. We, on the other paw, are the brave ones because we’re going into the unknown.’
‘If its unknown, Casey, then how do we know what we’re looking for?’
‘Don’t you know anything, Gibbs?’
‘How would I know what I know, if I don’t know what I know?’
Casey sighs. Everything was too much effort these days.
‘You’re letting the feline reputation down, Gibbs, for being wise.’
‘Who said I’m not wise?’
‘We’ll continue this conversation later, Gibbs. I have an overwhelming desire for a nap and before I can do that, I have to have a thorough wash around my nether regions.’
‘Where are our nether regions, Casey?
‘Somewhere between Scotland and Land’s End, Gibbs.’
A Morning Kiss
A morning kiss, a discreet touch of his nose landing somewhere on the middle of my face.
Because his long white whiskers tickled, I began every day laughing.
Janet F Faure