Casey and Gibbs discussing the world and the price of tishGibbs and I were deep in discussion the other day about humans in general.  We’ve decided we’re going to make a film for the BBC on the secret life of humans.  I believe that some time ago, a film about us felines was made.  We had no say in the matter.  Small cameras and GPS trackers were fitted on our collars and our every move was monitored. This film was later shown on television and lots of oohing and aahing was heard throughout the UK because pet owners had no idea how far their cats walked and what they did while they were out on patrol.

By the same token, we felines have no idea what you humans do when you leave the house.  You all seem to carry a mobile phone these days so if we were able to contact the people at NCIS we’re sure they could track Mum to see where she goes when she leaves the house.  We’re not sure she walks very far as Dad has a box on wheels which Mum gets into so it will be an interesting exercise.

We cats’ sleep anywhere, but humans – and our Mum is no exception – seem to prefer sleeping in a big wide bed. Mum goes to bed at a certain time and then comes down the next morning, more or less at the same time. During the day, I like sleeping on the ottoman by the window in the office where she does her tippy-tappy thing on the ‘puter.  Sometimes Gibbs will sleep on all the books, papers and files that are on her desk while she’s working. The strange thing is that we’ve never, ever seen Mum sleep on the ottoman or the desk.  Why not?  It’s very comfortable.  She does, sometimes, have a nap on the sofa and I lie next to her, moulding myself into her bumps.

Weirdly, she’s never curled up to sleep on a cushion on the dining chairs or flung herself into the box in the front room that Gibbs loves.  You humans do make us laugh.

Food is another enigma.  We cats’ often partake of little furry things that scurry around outside in the back alley behind our garden.  Mum goes out with Dad, usually on a Monday morning, and returns later with bags and bags of food that she says she gets from a place called a supermarket.  Why doesn’t she avail herself of the freebies on offer?  A mouse for lunch would give her all the protein she needs until dinner and she would save herself so much money.  

There’s very little to recycle because what we leave is polished off by someone else whereas Mum opens tins or packets – all of which have to be put into the correct colour-coded bins.  So much extra work which is completely unnecessary.

Your sleeping habits are perhaps the most unexplainable to us. As you know, most cats – us included – can sleep for up to 18 hours a day.  Some cats, that are extra tired, have been known to sleep longer.  Humans, on the other paw, are the complete opposite.  It’s not uncommon for humans to stay AWAKE for 18 hours a day, sometimes longer.  Why would you do that??  It’s not normal!         

Sleep is the most beneficial activity in the whole world.  While you sleep, your body is renewing cells, improving your blood supply and regenerating your organs and whatnots inside you. Lack of sleep causes all sorts of problems, from lack of concentration, to extra hunger to even being linked to Alzheimer’s.  Did you know, that the US president, Ronald Regan, and the UK prime minister, Margaret Thatcher both famously got by on just 4 hours sleep a night?? Both got dementia.  Just meowin’.   You don’t see cats with Alzheimer’s, is all I’m sayin’.       

So fellow felines, if you have any stories to tell about your humans do write and tell us.  We’d be happy to include them in a mockumentary to be shown on BBC tv.  (Blindingly Clever Cats television!)

Till the next time

Casey and Gibbs xxx

Dogs Come when Called

"Dogs come when called. Cats take a message and get back to you."

"Of course, every cat is really the most beautiful woman in the room."

Edward Verrall Luca (essayist)