10 REASONS WHY CATS ARE BETTER THAN MEN
1. A cat always comes in SOBER after being out all night.
2. When a cat goes to the toilet it tries not to leave a trace.
3. You can put a bell around a cat’s neck so you know exactly where he is.
4. If you stroke a cat, it won’t leap on you for sex.
5. You don’t mind that much if a cat brings a bird home every night.
6. When a cat comes in at midnight it doesn’t wake you up by smashing into every item of furniture.
7. Cats never pretend they know how to fix the video.
8. Cats don’t care what size your boobs are.
9. Cats still love you even when your perm goes wrong.
10. Cats love rubbing up to your legs however much cellulite you have. 
Malinda Johnson
The Very Best Toy for Cats
"Of all the [cat] toys available, none is better designed than the owner himself. A large multipurpose plaything, its parts can be made to move in almost any direction. It comes completely assembled, and it makes a noise when you jump on it."
Stephen Baker
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