Mollie and the Toilet Bowl Brush Caper

As proud parents, we never thought it would ever come to this… I mean, we’ve raised him to be an upstanding boy. And, he is. Well, except, for one little thing that could potentially mar his otherwise squeaky clean reputation. 

You see, our Mollie has a penchant for the 'five-paw discount.' While he had always been quite stealth in his felonious feline activities, it became apparent last week that the ‘jig was up’ for Mollie. Before I go into the scandalous details, I think it only fair to let Mollie tell his side of the story.

“Here's the truth. I have an affliction. Or, maybe it's a compulsion. All I know is that I'm obsessed with "taking things." When I was just a mere whippersnapper, I would see little objects just laying around the neighbourhood and, for some reason, I became strangely attracted to them. I'm not sure why, but I'd have an overwhelming urge to get a jaw-hold on whatever it was and run home as fast as my little legs would carry me to present the "gift" to my folks. That's kind of the long and short of my affliction. Some would call me a cat-burglar...others may attribute this behaviour to a psychological disorder akin to klepto-kitty-mania. I, however, prefer to say that this is my work and it's how I pay my parents back for taking such darned good care of me! My folks were so proud that a few years ago they started saving all the stuff I brought home, and they even placed a picture ‘cat-a-log’ showcasing my eclectic collection of goodies on my website .” *

Now, on to the sordid specifics of recent events… About two weeks ago, Mollie brought home a disgusting used toilet bowl brush and placed it in the front flowerbed, one of his favourite places to leave his gifts. I'm a sentimental kind of Mom and, as Mollie mentioned above, we do save everything that he brings home. As a matter of fact, the garage houses several bulging boxes of Mollie’s gifts. I can’t bear to part with any of his offerings, but I do eventually photograph them and place the pictures in Mollie’s website gallery. I guess you could say it’s our version of a baby’s book of memories. However, a filthy toilet bowl brush was completely over the top! So, after the obligatory photo shoot, and with rubber gloves on, I carefully placed the nasty thing in the trash. I shuddered as I tried to remember if Mollie had licked me at all prior to my ghastly discovery… A nice long shower was in order.

Bear with me here – I really am leading to the point of this tale of iniquitous feline follies. Mollie also has another passion. Fortunately, this particular obsession rests on the ‘right side of the law.’ Mollie absolutely LIVES for his daily walks with his Dad. My husband throws out the ‘secret whistle,’ Mollie quickly joins him at his side, and the two of them stroll down the street. Basically, it’s a short route. Proud Dad and son mosey up to the corner, cross the street together, and in about five to ten minutes, they arrive back at home base. Well, one day last week, the ‘boys’ embarked on their daily journey and walked about six houses down the street to where a rather large man was washing his car in his driveway. My husband and the man exchanged greetings at which time Mollie, who had fallen behind in order to roll about on the sidewalk, darted up to join his Dad. The man immediately shouted, "HEY! That's the feline who stole my toilet bowl brush!" With a face as red as his hair, my husband became extremely apologetic and, with all the sensitivity he could muster up, he offered to return the object of criminal offence. Luckily, the man was quite nice about the whole ordeal. In a robust tone, the man expressed amusement as he recounted his tale about how he had been pulling weeds in his yard when all of a sudden Mollie galloped through with the toilet brush handle in his mouth. At first quite perplexed at what he had just witnessed, the man quickly regained his sense of reality and shouted out to Mollie, “Hey you!” At that moment, Mollie knew he’d been ‘fingered’ and he ran as fast as his little legs would carry him in order to make his get-away. The very nice ‘victim’ of Mollie’s crime stated he would not press charges.

I knew it was only a matter of time... Next time, Mollie may not be so lucky. Will he ever give up his thieving ways? It’s not likely. We believe Mollie suffers from a behaviour disorder that has little to no chance of rehabilitation unless we can find a 12-step program for his addiction. No matter what happens, we will always love and support our little Mollie. And, that’s unconditional – even if we’re only allowed to visit him on weekends at the infamous felonious feline grey-bar hotel.

To read more about Mollie, you must go to his wonderful website: http://www.molliesbigheart.com*

*Sadly Molly and his human family moved away from California some years ago and we've not heard from them since. And on checking the website, it no longer exists.

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