I finally have something in common with Julia Roberts, Renée Zellweger, and Paula Abdul. I, too, now have a stalker! 

My stalker is of Asian descent, an über-stealthy blonde with dark highlights.  She’s unafraid, unabashed, unashamed.   For those of you who’ve not yet made her acquaintance, you might look at her and think Siamese cat.   I look at her and think Stalker.

From the moment I wake up in the morning ‘til she takes her afternoon nap, Sugar stalks me, follows me, shadows me – whatever you want to call it – she’s after me! 

It goes like this.  First thing after I arise, I say to her, “Hello Sugar Pie.”   A high-pitched “mew” ensues which is followed quickly by a blur racing toward the stairs to my writing loft.  Now, Mommy?  Now?

“Not yet, Honey, I’ll be up there soon.”  I make breakfast while she paces the hallway or jumps onto Steve’s desk and stares at me from the other side of the kitchen counter which we have nicknamed “The Khyber Pass.”  I don’t know why you’re messing about in the kitchen when you can plainly see that the cat is distressed!!  It’s as if her love tank has become depleted overnight, and she’s desperate to top it off again, and I’m the only supplier. Although she likes my husband, Steve, I’m the one whose lap she’s chosen for squatting.  When I sit down, especially at my computer, my lap becomes prime real estate.  To her, it’s all about location, location, location. 

As soon as I put the eggs on to boil, I go upstairs to turn on the computer.  My little shadow zips right past me and leaps onto the back of my chair.  “No, Honey, not yet,” I say.  “I’m just getting the computer started.  I’ll be back up in a little bit.”  Not content to wait, she accompanies me down the stairs.  I’d get a restraining order but we all know how useless those can be.

Finally, when I’ve finished breakfast, I return to my loft to work.  But, wait! Sugar now begins her workday by leaping onto the back of my chair and grabbing my ponytail.  Like a dog working a chew toy, she bites into it and shakes her head wildly from side to side.   Her human is not pleased.  ”No, no, Honey, that hurts Mommy. Please come and sit on my lap.”  After several more tugs on my ponytail, she finally settles down into a contented furry ball that no one can resist.  The problem, of course, arises when I need something while The Cat is getting her nap on. 

“Steve?” I holler. 


"Could you please bring me some copy paper?”

 “I take it that your office assistant is sleeping?”
 “Well, you know, mustn’t upset The Cat.”

 Steve dutifully brings me whatever it is I need, but knows not to stay long because Sugar gives him the Evil Eye.  Don’t even think about getting between me and my Mommy!

 When I do have to get up, I set her gently onto the floor. She dashes downstairs ahead of me and races toward the bathroom. More lap time, Mommy?  Sometimes, I’ll pick up one of her mousies and throw it into the kitchen just to distract her so I can be alone with my business.   When I open the bathroom door again, I’m fair game. 

Finally, when the afternoon sun has moved into the living room, Sugar leaves my lap to go about basking, at which time I can freely move about the cabin, unrestrained by my seatbelt of a cat.  “Oh, good,” I sigh as soon as she leaves.  

I’m easily lulled into a sense of security, though, and occasionally drop my guard when I traipse through the living room on my way to the kitchen to get some tea.  You’d think I would know better, but I sometimes make the mistake of casting a glance in Sugar’s direction.  Her blue eyes drill into me as she leaps up.

“Oh, no, my Stalker’s back!  Call 911!” 

© 2013 Rosie Sorenson MA, MFT
Award winning author of: They Had Me at Meow:
Tails of Love from the Homeless Cats of Buster Hollow
www.zazzle.com/theyhadmeatmeow for t-shirts, mugs, greeting cards, etc., using photos of the cats of Buster Hollow 

Rosie also wrote Locked in my heart forever which is in the Napping on a Sunbeam section


In the Middle of a World...

"In the middle of a world that has always been a bit mad, the cat walks with confidence."

Roseanne Anderson

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