Dear Squirt,

Holly in the shrubberyThank you for your advice. I have thought about your solutions deeply. I love being on the chair with Jimmy, but I also love being on it by myself. I’m told I have an ‘air of arrogance’ when on my own.

Daisy does come on it with me, but it’s a bit tight. I can’t fart at will like Jimmy. And he eats so much it’s a no-contest.

I’ve kept away from his dish, but he gutses mine regularly.

So, Squirt, your concern and wisdom, plus another initiative on the part of my keepers have resolved the problem. They have opened up the bedroom/therapy room! We [Daisy and I; Jimmy isn’t bothered] have even more space.

So, we have three soft chairs, three settees, the bed, numerous window sills and the lounge carpet to sit on. You know that we cats are never satisfied, but we’re not exactly lacking comfort here.

In truth, whilst I don’t like being swatted by the ‘Big Lad’ we all get on very well. Unlike our keepers we don’t hold grudges.

I’m keeping the BiF/Fart Combo up under my imaginary collar for future reference.

And by the way, Jimmy has perked up yet again. I can see him outliving our keepers at this rate!

Keep up the good work.

Love & Light, Little ‘Hol' [alias Holly]


Dear ‘Hol’
SquirtThanks for your reply.  I’m glad you all seem to have found somewhere to sleep peacefully.  It does strike me that you like to have things all your own way, life isn’t like that I’m afraid and sometimes we all need to learn to share.  We may not like it but that’s how it is and sometimes sharing can bring it’s own rewards.  You could learn a lot from a cat of Jimmy’s years and experience so bear that in mind and do your best.
Food bowls - you are right to leave the old lad’s bowl alone but don’t tell me that you are too slow or too much of a wimp to manage to grab your own dinner.  If you let anyone steal it then frankly, that’s your problem.  At least, as you say, cat’s don’t hold grudges.  Well I do, sometimes, but only until I’ve taken revenge on the grudgee then it’s all consigned to the bin of history.
It’s good to keep the BiF/fart combo in mind in case you ever need it but you say you can’t fart at will.  I recommend making sure you go out and eat grass at least daily which should help you perform the Combo effectively should the need arise.  Raiding the bin for left over veg will also help if you can stand the taste of the stuff.
Finally, I do like the sound of your extra room with all the chairs and things.  I only have three dog beds, one cat bed, an upholstered fireside seat, two sofas, a cupboard above the fire with the door removed and a fleece blanket inside it, Staff’s bed, a shed full of cosy straw bales and any tractor seat of my choice to sleep on so you are quite right to appreciate what you have.
If there’s anything else I can help with don’t hesitate to get in touch, I’ll always do my best for you.
Smiles from Scotland,
Squirt x

A Cats Prayer

Lead me down all the right paths,
Keep me from fleas, bees, and baths.
Let me in should it storm,
Keep me safe, fed, and warm.


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