Hello Gibbs and Casey,

Your advice please.

As a lady of a certain refined pedigree, I have been used to gentlemen callers over the years from all classes of feline origin. All of which I have dismissed with disdain. I rather enjoy my pampered lifestyle whereby my human indulges my every whim and I have my own chair to snooze the day away in the sunshine. I have never seen the need for male company, or to go out into the garden and flaunt myself in order to attract toms of dubious origin and end up having a clutch of ugly kittens and thus ruining my immaculate figure, like my down-market house mate, Chav Cat, who had a big batch of kittens, father or fathers unknown and now waddles round with a huge fat paunch rolling from side to side.

At the grand age of 18 I have seen toms come and go as they sit outside my window peering in full of love (and lust!) but I have never seen any attraction in the opposite sex, I would rather have a nice bowl of kibbles and a hug off my human.

Kippy comes a-courtingHowever, Kippy, a local lothario, has been making himself known in the romance department. He jumps excitedly onto a wheelie bin and stares in the kitchen window for hours on end, hoping for a glimpse of the magnificent me. If he is fortunate to spy me, he bursts into loud purrs and chirrups as he desperately tries to catch my attention. He hops from paw to paw unable to contain himself. He stretches up then puts his paws on the sill trying to sniff me through the glass. I sit, however, tantalisingly, on the other side of the window, my eyes almost closed as I gaze above him out over the garden surveying my collection of blackbirds.

I humour and tease him just to amuse myself. At two year’s old, he is a baby, a mere toy-tom and I am so far out of his league, but he is persistent. When he’s not on the wheelie bin looking in, he’s on the patio windowsill, staring intently in should I sashay, gorgeously past the window. His little face lights up and his whiskers smile when he sees me. He is besotted as I ignore him.

And, at my advanced age, I just cannot be bothered with him!

I’m getting a bit annoyed now, he simply is not getting the message! Clearly this is the first time the young whipper snapper has experienced true love! But I fear he is punching way above his weight.

Kippy sneaks a kissI did venture outside after a rather super session of grooming with my human, just to get a spot of breath air. Silently, from out of the bushes sprung Kippy, all purrs and love, he slowly crept up to me and attempted a kiss whilst I was snoozing in the sunshine!! Needless to say, a quick clip round his ears soon put a stop to that! Little snog snatcher.

He has started to bring me presents. Now to my mind pressies, which my human buys me on a regular basis, are finest kibbles, gourmet food to nibble on, a new grooming brush, a silk scarf for me to recline on when I’m on the bed, or little tins of exquisite epicurean food to tempt my refined appetite.

KippyKippy and his headless mouse brought me a dead mouse. A headless mouse at that. How thoughtful!!  Clearly unable to contain himself he had eaten the head. He was sitting on the lawn on St Valentine’s Day morning, all puffed up with pride. His love offering at his paws. He patted it a couple of times to draw my attention to it while staring soppily at me. I was not impressed! After an hour parading the mouse on the lawn at me, Kippy ate it, thank goodness.

I really don’t know how I am going to shake this persistent admirer off!!

Gibbs, Casey, any advice welcome chaps!



Dear Dumpty

Casey and Gibbs - mackerel tabby beautiesWe were rather sad and perplexed at what you consider your Valentine’s Day Dilemma.  How wonderful it is to be admired by such a dashing, young stud.  We couldn’t help but notice his beautiful striped pelt – not too dissimilar to ours so in our book, he’s perfect for you!

It's possible that Kippy has heard tales of the fading feline film star that you now are and, like a besotted fan, wants to hang around the stage door with love and adoration in his eyes.

Age is just a number, Dumpty.  It’s not an address.  He may only be 2-years-old and you may be a ‘mature’ dame of 18 years of age, but puppy love (or in this case: kitten love) is to be cherished as a precious thing and gently and most delicately handled, for fear of putting the poor boy off female felines forever.  Would you want to be the reason he ends up in therapy, his hopes dashed, his ardent fervour forever lost and unrequited? We hope not, Dumpty.
And he brings you gifts.  A dead mouse is the greatest and most thoughtful gift any young blade can give to the object of his desire.  Had he cared slightly less for you, it would have been alive and you would have had to catch it yourself. He didn’t want you to exert yourself needlessly.  And the fact that he decapitated it for you shows great consideration and concern that you would have been upset at seeing the mouse’s dead eyes looking at you – probably haunting you for years to come.  
He sounds perfect to us.  
Comparing yourself to Chav Cat is not helpful, either, Dumpty.  Chav Cat had a hard life and has been passed from pillar to post, home to home until she ended up via Cats Protection at Tom Cat Towers, whereas yours, once you chanced upon your Human Maid, has been that of a cossetted, pampered spoiled feline who has everything she desires at her claw tips.  Chav Cat didn’t know such love and devotion and the ignorance of her previous people meant that – being unneutered – she was left to the mercy of any passing tom who chanced his paw.  It isn’t her fault that she’s lost her feline figure through repeat pregnancies and given birth to umpteen ugly kittens. We’re sure if she was able to live her time again, she would have preferred knowledgeable owners who would have done the right thing by her and had her spayed.
Valentine’s Day is just one day in the year, Dumpty, when adults show how much they love each other by doing silly and romantic things.  Your young stud muffin, Kippy, is just doing what comes naturally, although his human has been responsible and had him neutered, he still feels the pangs of love at the sight of such feline female purrfection and understandably for such an ardent young  fellow, is keen to declare his passion for a lady of more mature years.

See it for what it is: just a dream in a young chap’s eyes and be thankful that someone fancies you without seeing the obstacles in the way.

Tread softly because you tread on his dreams (paraphrased from W. B. Yeats)

We hope our words have helped you Dumpty.  And we hope you and Kippy, and Chav Cat ALL have a wonderful Valentine’s Day. 

Love Casey and Gibbs   xxx  

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