Why won't my big sisfur love me back?

Big Sisfurs… to Luna.

When I was taken to my new home… oh, a while back now, I knew there was a big sisfur present, but my human decided it was the right thing to do to let me settle for a few days before introductions.  However, I was quite adamant and wanted to meet her almost straight away. I was at first in the kitchen for a night or two as my human only lived in a small apartment back then. But on day 2, my persistence paid off and I was let out to meet her.

Needless to say, she wasn’t too amused at having to share HER apartment with a newbie, especially as she just didn’t ‘get’ me because I have no eyes. I was quite confident though and wasted no time trying to say hello. That didn’t go to well. It was met with a hiss, a growl and eventually (at my persistence) a paw swat. Hmmm… I was going to have to rethink this.

I tried sidling up to her at night instead. Oh no, that got me bopped around the head. What else could I try, what did she like? Ah-ha, FOOD! So, the following morning thinking I’d solved the world’s problems, I left just a couple of biscuits in my bowl. Bingo – she went to eat them and I nudged in for my thank you kiss.

Failed again! Hiss, swipe. Sigh.

However, I felt I was on the right track, so I persisted. And finally, in the end, I think I won her over, just enough for her to be able to sit with me and even, on rare occasions, give me a lick or two. And then, slowly, slowly, she started to play tag with me and once I even got a leg and bum wash (followed by a bite – of course).

To this day I haven’t quite figured out what is going to work. She sure is a stubborn madam. Mum says it’s because she’s a bit of a ‘princess’ and that because she was first, she’s ‘territorial’. I mean, come on, we’re now in a bigger place and surely there’s enough room now?

I decided to try my luck yesterday having settled into the new apartment (and now with 4 of us) thinking that she must have mellowed to me by now. So, yesterday I tried to cuddle up on the cat tree. I was sure feeling like a cuddle and I knew she was up there. But all I got was a bite, a swat (or five) and then she jumped down to be on another platform in the tree. I was devastated. What do I have to do?? It’s been a whole year or more and still she doesn’t seem to want cuddle-time. We do sleep on the bed together but usually separated by mum and often we scuffle for space and wake mum up (I don’t think she likes that too much).

So, my lovely readers, what tips can you give to me? She’s so bossy and I know she wants mum to herself, but surely she gets lonely in the day too when mum goes to ‘work’? I will continue to try in vain. She’s my big sisfur and I love her. Won’t you love me back Luna?

Yours in hope, Moet.

Dear Moet,

First of all, I gather you are going to have your own column at The Daily Mews!  How cool is that?  As far as I’m concerned the more journalist cats there are, the better chance we have of imposing our views on the world getting our opinions out there and educating those people who like to think of themselves as ‘cat owners’.  You’d think that by now they would realise that nobody ‘owns’ a cat and that if we do deign to allow them to share our lives it is our choice, not theirs.

So, on behalf of all the cats that write for TDM I’d like to welcome you to the team, I’m sure you’ll have lots of interesting things to say!

And now to the matter in hand.  Our esteemed (she thinks) editor Pauline gave me a sneak peek of your first piece of writing.  Since I’m the resident agony columnist she wondered if I could give you some helpful advice.

Your big sisfur Luna has been giving you a hard time, hasn’t she!  But let’s ask ourselves; why does she behave the way she does?  It’s quite simple really, until you came along it was her home and she didn’t have to share it.  She had your mum all to herself, all the food, treats, toys, sleeping places were hers and hers alone.  Now, imagine that you had everything and didn’t have to share with anyone – how would you feel if another cat suddenly appeared without you having been consulted?  You wouldn’t like it much, would you?  It would be a bit of a shock to find that suddenly you had to share your life and possessions with another cat but you would be expected to put up with it, even to like it!  The core of the matter is choice, and of course Luna wasn’t given any choice; suddenly you appeared and that was that!

Obviously you are a very friendly kitty and must have been delighted to find not only a lovely new home but a companion as well.  You deserve a round of applause and a plate of tuna for trying so hard to get Luna to accept you, you’ve tried lots of different things and persevered even when she’s slapped you round the chops.  Now, the fact that you have no eyes is apparently no big deal to you but I wonder how Luna feels about that?  Because you are a little bit ‘different’ I do think that she just might be a little unnerved because she doesn’t know how to behave around you, she may be worried about how you will react if, say, she wants to play.  Perhaps she doesn’t realise how confident you are and that you’d really like to have a game with her.  Although maybe I’m being a bit too generous to Luna, after all if even bribery with food hasn’t worked then perhaps she’s just a selfish grumpy little madam.

But don’t worry Moet, I have an idea that might work.  It won’t be easy but you must persevere, and with a bit of luck Luna will want to be your friend.  I suggest that you completely ignore her.  If you’re sleeping on the sofa or the cat tree and she jumps up with you, just get up and walk away.  If you feel her anywhere near you, go in to another room.  Eat all your food and don’t leave any for her.  If she hisses or growls at you, rise above it and walk on by.  Most importantly of all do not share your mum!  Make sure she spends time with each of you separately, don’t get into a situation where you both want her attention at the same time.

Do you get the idea Moet?  I think Luna will wonder: what’s going on?  Why are you ignoring her?  Why don’t you get upset if she growls at you?  Why aren’t you following her around?  After a while she might realise she doesn’t like it when you don’t take any notice of her, and then, I hope, she will come to you wanting to be your friend.  Don’t give in straightaway!  Take your time and make her earn your friendship because if she has to do that she will value it all the more.  Moet, I hope my suggestion works for you, and it will take quite a while for a confirmed grouch like your big sisfur to begin to change her attitude.  There are times when you have to fight fire with fire.  Be strong, resolute and patient!

Will you write again in a month or two to let me know how things go with you and Luna?  You’re such an inspiration to all your feline friends and I know they will want to be kept up to date with your progress.

High paw!

Your friend,

Squirt

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