We’ve been living in my male keeper’s brother’s house for two months. The alternative was somewhere better but much more expensive, or the cattery. 

No-one knows how old I am except me. 

JimmyOur local cattery [Blue Grass at Little Leigh] is superb, I must say. The staff love us cats, and the pens are comfortable, and we don’t have dogs barking next to our windows. Dogs are on the site, but some distance away.

As I paw this, my keepers are awaiting confirmation of a mortgage offer, which will mean us moving very quickly into a house up the road with a field behind it, or other decisions will be made. Either way, we’ll be moving and it will be good.

Since I moved in with my keepers, this the fourth house I’ve stayed in. For them, it’s their tenth in 30 years +.

Friends of theirs who are psychics tell them we will move to the house with the field, but will only stay there around 3 years.

No-one knows how old I am except me. And one of my eyes is getting cloudy, and I’m not as quick on my feet as I was. If there’s a younger version of me up the road, I can face down the best of them, but that’s as far as it goes. Holly, Milo and Daisy will have to do the business.

Jimmy_DaisyHere, they take Daisy and me out on leads. We’re too near a main road, so we can’t be let out. I’d be OK, but Daisy and Holly would be at risk and Milo, too, probably.

I have to admit to mixed feelings. I know the Great Cat will always comeHolly up with best option. My female keeper has been driving us all mad with her over-reacting to the up’s and down’s of living here, and the uncertainty of it all. Whatever happens we will be OK, because the psychics have predicted a golden future for them, and who should ever doubt the Great Cat?

Chances are if they move to Greece in three years, I won’t be joining them. I’ve given them at least one big scare last year when they thought I’d decided to re-join the Great Cat. I love the sun, and we felines need it, because it creates a film of Vitamin D on our fur, which we gratefully lick off. But I’m not sure about too much of it. I’ve told you humans many times about the sun-is-harmful scam. The only thing that is harmful is Vitamin D deficiency and the carcinogenic sunscreen you rub on yourselves.

Think about it. The Great Cat gives you the sun, which gives life to everything, makes you feel good and brightens the lives of all living creatures, and … it gives you cancer. Wake up!

So, I’m looking forward to the house with the field, but know I won’t be there that long. My keepers may live another 20 or 30 years, but I know, like me, their mortality crosses their minds with increasing frequency.

How many of you people are living in houses where you say to yourselves “I’ll only go out of here feet first”? Does that feel good or depress you?

When you do join your equivalent of the Great Cat [no, there’s no mythical red pit bull with horns to condemn us all. If hell exists, it’s here on earth] will you look back on your life with satisfaction or regret?

Didn’t one your singers write a song called ‘Wherever I lay my hat, that’s my home’? Well, believe me, after spending five years of my life in heated houses, filled with love, no-one has to sell the feeling of a home to me. I know my keepers love me, as do Holly and Daisy. Milo would miss me, and I would miss her, but I can’t stop myself reverting to the bruiser persona at times!

The world is full of people and felines who have wonderful homes, but more full of those who don’t.

MiloSo, forgive me if I forget who said it, but extend your compassion to all living things. As certain members of this home [Milo is 12] approach the autumn of their lives, I know I speak for all of them when I say you will very soon see the structures of lies and deceit falling down faster. And who apart from the Great Cat really knows, but those of you with a mind who read this, know ‘we’ can’t carry on in debt, destroying the planet, killing people indiscriminately and hiding the truth for ever.

A home can be a truly wonderful place. This planet is our home. For many sentient beings, it is where the dish is.

And my dish is never less than half full.


A Cats Prayer

Lead me down all the right paths,
Keep me from fleas, bees, and baths.
Let me in should it storm,
Keep me safe, fed, and warm.