Battered, Confused But Smiling

I've forgotten to mention this, but I've been a bit of sod to Milo [as well as Poppy] lately. Nothing serious, but she seems to have taken it to heart. 

I and my soul intend to be good and kind and loving and gentle

The problem is, because I'm a big macho cat [but you know different], everyone assumes I'm beyond any kind of concern. Macho cats don't need sympathy, and wouldn't thank you for it anyway.

I suspect this is true of some of you toms...

Over the years I've tatered a few cats because they would have tatered me.

When I'm insensitive or 'selfish' I find Milo gets all the sympathy, as she's told it's my fault. This causes me a problem. There's no doubt I can, have been and probably will be insensitive, but wouldn't it be better to tell me? Who does it help to make me out to be the villain?

Mind you, I am [as ever] pre-occupied by the food dish and can't keep out of the kitchen.

But who is responsible for his or her own happiness? Should we feel guilt or obligation in regard to other cats? Is it always my fault if I make them unhappy?

Is it possible they are only relating to me according to their own past experiences and their own processes?

Whose decision is it as to whether Jimmy is a good or kind or loving cat? [He is of course]. I and my soul intend to be good and kind and loving and gentle. If I'm not is it because underneath all this I'm really as miserable as I appear in my worst pictures?

So, for the second time in a few weeks, I'll go off and resist the urge to beat myself up.

My message for you lot is this.

If you are guilty of 'unacceptable' behaviour, go inside and examine what it is that's causing it. If necessary apologise to your own 'Milo'.

But remember unless you always see yourself in your highest light, you will get worse. We react when we feel bad or afraid. We can turn it in on ourselves [and become ill], or outwards. Unfortunately sometimes to the ones we love. I ought to have a go at Harry, because it just doesn't bother him, and he can deal with it. I'm striving [yes I know this is very hard to stomach] to get to place where I don't need to have a go at anyone.

I can't tell Milo that she has to find her own way of dealing with the world, because anything coming from me will be seen to excuse what I do and weaken her case.

In truth the best way of dealing with me until I'm perfect is to make a joke out of my nonsense, hide my dish, put crumbs under my cushion, and then let the dish re-appear as if by magic.

Another way in life is for you to refuse the 'gift' of a dirty litter tray. If you refuse to clean it, then the person telling you to will have to! And if someone is telling you that someone close to you is nicking your food, wonder if someone is nicking theirs.

Now you've spotted the paradox [love me, love Milo], you might conclude nothing is real anyway... 

See you at the end of July, sorry for the delay this month.

Jimmy 

© Jack Stewart MSc