Finally my status as a loyal customer has been recognised.

Dumpty and her pet blackbirdUsually when we stay at the Cats’ Whiskers luxury feline hotel and spa, I share my accommodation with Gingie-crew. It's a bit of a squash and it also means that we share facilities, which I find intolerable. Stepping into a bot-box after Willi Whizkas has left something huge and vile-smelling is enough to make me faint and is akin to abuse.

Communal dining is also a horror as they both fight and snarl their way gobbling through the trays of food which are brought to our cages throughout the day. I just do not bother to eat; I will not dignify them by joining in the scrum. Instead I spend my time under a blanket covered chair just waiting for Sarah, the Manageress, to come and give me my daily spa treatments.

However this time I have my own luxury suite as a platinum level customer, next to Gingie-crew's cage. I can stretch out and enjoy the facilities, such as the tree trunk to sharpen my finely mogicured claws, a little shelf where I can chillax and watch the birds in the grassy quadrangle between the suites and listen to the other cats moaning about their lives with inadequate human staff.

At night I retire to my heated shed with a very welcoming heat pad bed to snoozle into. The standard of spa treatment is second to none here as Sarah grooms me professionally twice a day; not the usual sloppy quick scrub round with a brush and comb I get from Maid. I have even had the gold star service of having my tail teased of all its old fur.

I look quite magnificent. Sarah has pandered to every dietary requirement and I have even had a good hug. I am very seriously thinking of head-hunting Sarah to come and take up employment at Tom Cat Towers and getting rid of my usual Maid on the grounds of incompetence. I am sure that Sarah will appreciate having just one cat to focus on 24 hours a day and I'm certain that the service will be even better that I am currently receiving from here. Current Maid can pack her bags and go.

My fifteen day retreat was soon over and I made it quite clear I didn't want to leave by growling at Maid when she arrived to collect me as if she beat me on a regular basis. This made Sarah and Maid laugh which was not quite the reaction I was looking for.

Back at Tom Cat Towers, I'm totally perplexed as to what my staff has been doing whilst I have been away. Piles of grubby clothes and new bottles of booze and human catnip – champagne - were everywhere. At least my designer duvet, my haven of calm, is freshly made up and waiting for me to take residence again. From here, I can watch my blackbirds that come into the house to sit on the carpet as they gaze upon my regal personage, whilst Maid gets on with washing and putting things away.

Maids' version

Dumpty with the MaidBack off hols. Madam almost didn't want to come home from the cattery and back home, she made a very detailed inspection of the bed before she deigned to jump on and get life back to normal; basically with me running round after her every whim and fancy and the whole household run around her. It's good to be home and to have her back!

So back into the routine of being full time staff to an overweight, over pampered ultra diva, but I wouldn't have it any other way!!


Five Good Reasons for Having Your Cat Neutered

  • Reduces fighting, injury and noise
  • Reduces spraying and smelling
  • Much less likely to wander and get lost
  • Safer from diseases like feline AIDS, mammary tumours and feline leukaemia
  • Reduces the number of unwanted kittens

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