I sometimes I forget that I am living with ‘perfection’. She lives on the bed. (As if we are ever allowed to forget that we live with self proclaimed royalty!)

I have always viewed Dumpty as a very old lady and a faded film star, her glory days long gone. In fact I didn't realisethat she is internationally famous. She has, and still gets fan mail and pressies. Just because she starred in a cat meat advert …. purlease!!!!

Dumpty with an article about herselfThe fame lingers and now and again the human goes completely nuts as she twinkles Tom Cat Towers from top to bottom to the point where it looks like a show home, I cannot believe where all the rubbish and clutter disappear to.

I’m bathed, even if I don’t need it I’m lathered up, blow dried and sparkled. No Miss Stinky allowed in Tom Cat Towers.

Wills is given a cursory rub over with a comb to get some of the worst excess of the slugs, twigs, leaves and clumps of dirt out of his manky pelt.

Then her fluffy Madamship is taken into the kitchen and groomed to within an inch of her whiskers! She just adores this attention and the human spends hours just pampering and spoiling her, paying attention to every little bit of her. Her whiskers are combed straight, her spurs are delicately brushed, her ears are checked, (not that there’s anything between them!) her tail is fluffed to perfection then finally she is clouded up in a haze of talcum powder. She just purrs, eyes half closed with pleasure, all through this overblown, unnecessary spa treatment.

The vision of heavenly, fragrant  fluffy perfection is then escorted back to recline gracefully upon her Lulu Guinness designer duvet where she is then ready to receive her public who have booked appointments in advance in 'Dumpty’s Social Diary'. I just cannot believe this behaviourby the humans. What is she? A tourist attraction that they arrive from all over the world to see?!.

Dumpty being filmedShe condescendingly receives her human fans that come to gaze upon her beauty, no doubt these bonkers humans are speechless by the complete waste of space that she is. She ‘does’ interviews, which appear in the press or magazines. (She actually ‘does’ something?!) She also allows herself to be filmed. This is so disruptive as the house is filled with technical palaver and strange humans who all pander to the 'star' in the hope that she will deign to perform and let them achieve the perfect shot.

Wills and I are just ignored. No matter how hard I try to get into the shot, I am just scooped up and placed somewhere else. I’m not allowed to spoil the filming of the vision of perfection.

I’m superfluous to requirements. I waddle up to the technical humans, they think I’m cute and adorable as I nod and fall over. They pick me up, cuddle me, tickle me and laugh when I goose-step around. But no-one wants to film me because I’m not in the least bit perfect, nothing about me is normal.

Their loss!

Willi’s version

More film crews descending on Tom Cat Towers to film the grey floozy pants. WHY???

She’s not real cat. What is the attraction?

She has appeared in national newspapers, one of which was left on the floor by the human’s chair after she had read it. I accidentally (on purpose) sprayed on it, right across her snooty face! That made me feels soooo much better. It was worth being shouted at by the human when the paw of suspicion landed on my head for that despicable act!

At the end of the day when all the equipment, all the humans have gone and the house has descended into quietness again, the human will reward Dumpty for her performance with some of the posh kibbles. I don’t even get a look in despite being very restrained and not spraying on all the electrical stuff which litters the whole house whilst they film the floozy pants!

A Cats Prayer

Lead me down all the right paths,
Keep me from fleas, bees, and baths.
Let me in should it storm,
Keep me safe, fed, and warm.


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