It’s the time of the year when the human goes a bit mad. A sort of ‘silly season’. It must be the cold weather and white stuff that falls from the sky which brings it on.
She has a tree in the house. It used to be a real tree in previous years until you know who, the ginger lout started spraying on it. He was convinced it had been brought inside as a kindness by the human so he didn’t have to venture out into the freezing cold. She now has a small pretend plastic tree which flashes (bit chav!) for the human's indoor tree festival.
The human tends to go a bit mad buying extra food and red wine. I sometimes see the human version of catnip – champagne - being stuffed into the fridge. I worry about human catnip, it makes the human very giggly and she often picks me up for a dance round and a kiss between my ears which is a bit unnerving. Next day she can’t get out of bed without a very strong coffee and a couple of tablet things.
Human catnip clearly isn’t good for her, it sends her loopy!
It’s all very curious at Tom Cat Towers. Tinsel and sparkly lights also make an appearance, which are fascinating to look at but I know not to leap and attack them. Things are wrapped in brightly coloured paper and one evening, the ginger twit was allowed on the bed where Dumpty resides to help the human but he got all tangled up with Sellotape and ribbons. The pink cushion behind him on the bed with ‘Practically a Princess’ said it all!!
The nights are really long and dark at this time of year, and the place called work appears to have temporarily shut down as the human lazes in bed with a cup of coffee and Dumpty in the morning. They are both getting as lazy as each other!
Brightly wrapped presents started to appear under the tree and were fun to poke and pat. Extra rations of chicken and ham appeared from the deli with my name on, chopped tigers, compliments of the season! I quite like this thing called Christmas!
Then one evening, the radiators were rattling away, the human had gone off to bed, having quaffed a bottle of human catnip, champagne, she was really in a silly mood. I looked up to see the furry ginger twit sitting by the pretend plastic tree, still flashing on and off with coloured lights only now it had a fairy on top of it. He was waiting, apparently, for someone called Santa Paws, who comes once a year and gives presents to good cats. If that’s an example of a good cat then I’m positively angelic! I was quite curious, so I went to join him and we sat together.
The human had sloped off to join Dumpty in bed. The house went very quiet. Ginger twit and I sat by the tree waiting for Santa Paws, we waited and waited. Our eyes became heavy. Nothing happened, the wind whistled and rattled down the chimney and the house became colder, still no-one came. Our eyes became heavier and heavier…..
When I woke up it was a bright morning and Santa Paws had been. Both Willi Wuffbag and I had missed him, but there were presents everywhere. It was brilliant! I sat on the table with my human as we unwrapped each one. I had a new collar; the village idiot cat had a catnip toy, with a ‘reduced price’ sticker on it. Clearly Santa Paws didn’t think much of him! We don’t know what Dumpty the regal Snot Pants had as the human took her pile of presents into the bedroom and unwrapped them on the bed with her as her private Christmas moment.
What nonsense!!
The best fun I had was batting balls of brightly coloured wrapping paper round, and then when I was exhausted with that I sat in from of the oven for hours watching a turkey turn from pale beige to a crispy brown. Guess who got the lion’s share of the scraps?!! My tummy was like a bullet for the rest of the day. If this is Christmas we should have it every day!
Will’s version
It’s that time of the year when all the humans go a bit daft and have an annual indoor tree festival. They drag a real tree inside the house, a prize specimen in a pot of soil, for me to spray on so that I don’t have to go outside in the cold and wet and get my paws damp. This year my human, being rather a spoil sport, got a small pretend plastic tree which was rather disappointing and when I was about to spray on it a champagne cork came hurtling in my direction.
I love this time of the year. Santa Paws comes down the chimney with presents. This year I had been especially good, particularly as I have been promoted to Senior Health Care Professional to Dippi-Duck. I expected a huge pile of goodies as a reward for my selfless acts of kindness and concern towards Dippi. I have excelled myself this year as a committed, full time carer and I’m sure both the human and Santa Paws will see a marked improvement in Dippi due to my ministrations. I sat by the tree all night hoping to catch a glimpse of Santa Paws, but somehow sleep overtook me, again. It seems to happen every year. Next year I will stay awake and see him.
I did note that Dippi had a much larger pile of turkey scraps than I did which I felt was rather unfair. I thought Christmas was the season of goodwill to all cats, which mainly means ME?!
The Very Best Toy for Cats
"Of all the [cat] toys available, none is better designed than the owner himself. A large multipurpose plaything, its parts can be made to move in almost any direction. It comes completely assembled, and it makes a noise when you jump on it."
Stephen Baker
Hosted by X-Shops - Hassle free e-commerce