I have facials.  ‘Lion facials’ as my human calls them.

I am tipped on my back and a damp baby wipe, fragrance free of course, cleans the gunk that accumulates in my eyes. Then my mouth is cleaned up as I do tend to dive into my dish of gravy topped tigers and snork them all up. I have baths, but I’ll go into that later.

Dumpty isn’t a cat who is wired quite right. She loves being groomed, totally adores it. When her combs and brushes are brought out she will just drool. That certainly is not how a cat should behave. She follows the human into the bathroom where she then lies on her back, legs in the air for a good grub round with the comb. She raises each front leg so the human can groom her armpits, and she just puts her purr into overdrive She adores having her fluffy pantaloons carefully teased with the comb so they ripple as she walks (not that she does walking often).

In the kitchen, Dumpty is lifted onto the work surface where she can stand her paws on the windowsill and watch the blackbirds whilst the human brushes her back and sides then fluffs her through with baby powder. She then has a ‘fine dining experience’ as the human pours out a sachet of something runny for Dumpty to lap up as Dumpty never learned to eat food properly.

I am on hand to Hoover up any scraps, but because I cannot jump onto the work surface I have to plod round furiously in circles on the floor whilst waiting for her Madamship to finish slurping so the remains can be put down for me. Her Snottiness is then carefully picked up and taken back to her duvet, she doesn’t ‘do’ walking on carpets, albeit even the best wool ones! Only then will the left overs be put down and it’s a race to gobble them down before ginger wuss is aware of the treat on offer.

Wuss-bags runs when the comb comes out. He doesn’t get far, however, before he’s rugby tackled to the ground and given a good scrape round with the comb. This morning he was grabbed when he bumbled his way into the bathroom, and given a good combing. Then, out of mischief, the human scraped some lipstick on him. For some daft reason he quite likes this; must be the taste of the fat in it before he then goes off mincing round the garden like he’s on a cat walk with his new make-over, showing the blackbirds.

He doesn’t realise he just look like a great big ginger Prince Mince.

The effect is even better when he is sporting his collection of bells on his collar announcing his arrival.

Willi’s version

Today the grey ghost, Dumpty, was groomed.

It’s incredible how much fur comes off her and even more unbelievable that she actually likes being groomed. Not me. I’m off when the comb comes out! I have my rufty-tufty reputation to consider.

However, the human managed to corner me today so I succumbed to a good scrape of the fur, removing some of the slugs and leaves. Then lipstick was applied. I just LOVE lipstick, it tastes divine!  So with my new look and my jangly collar I spent the afternoon parading round the garden. Dippi just gave me a condescending look, clearly not happy that I was indulging in a bit of ‘me time’ and not attending to her.


A Morning Kiss

A morning kiss, a discreet touch of his nose landing somewhere on the middle of my face.
Because his long white whiskers tickled, I began every day laughing.

Janet F Faure

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