A Short Biography of Squirt

Dear readers, I have been given the honour of taking over from the very capable and respected Daily Mewsers as your resident agony columnist.  “Oh yes?” you may be thinking, “and why should I trust him with my problems?”

Here is a bit of information about myself which I hope will inspire your confidence.  I may be quite young at only five years old but I have studied at the University of Feline-ology and amassed several areas of expertise to draw on, along with qualifications and other credentials.  I have, as the saying goes, seen life and eaten much of it.  I have lived next to a reservoir in the wilds of Scotland and now live on a farm.  If I were to choose one piece of advice to give to all cats it would be to avoid cow dung because it is the worst thing imaginable to have to clean off your paws.

My specialist areas include:

Mousology and Vermination.  My hunting skills are well honed and unsurpassed.

• Bed Warming.  Our Staff think we are being lazy when in fact we are doing them a huge favour. 
• Territorial Defence.  I am experienced and well qualified to advise on how best to defend your boundaries from enemies.
• Dogs.  I have two dogs at home so I am aware of the advantages and pitfalls of living with them.  Every dog is one of two things to a cat – a good friend or a bad enemy, there is no middle ground.

My Credentials:

Qualified VET – Vermin Extermination Technician

• MRCVS– Member of the Royal College of Vet Scratchers
• Certificate in CO-OP - Counselling of Oppressed Pussycats
• MBE – Mouse Basher Extraordinaire
• Advisor to TESCO – The Education Society for Cat Owners
• ASDA– Associate of the Society of Dog Avoidance
• Charitable work includes fundraising on behalf of POOP – the Pampered Order Of Pussycats

So don’t be a Miserable Mouser!  Just contact me with your problems and I will do my very best to help.   All names and personal details will be kept confidential(ish).  I look forward to hearing from you.

Your friend,

Squirt.

You can also read Squirt's Scribblings here:

Squirt's book 'Reservoir Cats : True Stories and Cat's Eye Views from Squirt, an eccentric Somali cat can be found on Amazon Kindle.

A review can be found here: