Since my biopsy I have come on in leaps and bounds. I had a further appointment with Saint Ben where I was given steroids which made me feel absolutely tip top and stopped me drooling, which was good as it wasn’t very ladylike slobbering all the time. 

I can only assume that a steroid is some form of beauty treatment. My pelts is silky and flowing and I have put weight on too. I do look rather magnificent as befits my rather regal status as I lie on my designer duvet and admire myself in the mirrors on the wall.

Dumpty and the hampersThe past couple of months Maid has been rather more efficient in her service. I have new brushes, and grooming sessions now take place every night accompanied by my favourite nibbles. She accompanies me round the garden when I have a morning or evening constitutional looking at my blackbirds. She does go a bit mad when I look at grass, especially grass with seeds on the top, she leaps into action and rips it out of the ground before I can chomp on the exquisite greenery which has appeared under the bird feeder. This is rather odd behaviour as I thought greens were supposed to be good for you.

The invitation to reside in Buckingham Palace as befits my status has, as yet, not arrived so whilst that is on the back burner as they prepare my new royal accommodation, I have resigned myself to life at Tom Cat Towers with Maid.

Due to the improvement in my daily routine, albeit not quite to the standard I have set, I decided to give Maid a long service award to see if that motivates her a bit. Two large parcels arrived, one was a huge wicker hamper stuffed with Gourmet Goodies from my absolute hero Archie, a feline foodie like myself who expects the very finest from life. The other was a large Fortnum & Mason hamper stuffed with things that humans enjoy, including unfortunately, human catnip; champagne.

I very generously handed the F&M hamper to Maid who seemed delighted.  I had instructed Maid to send Archie a photograph of myself. Obviously he had seen that I, too, am a pedigree of the highest standing, a Royal Himalayan Lynx, and he personally sent me these gorgeous gifts by return.

I wonder if he will call courting? I do hope so. He clearly has the same aspirations and standards as I do. We can discuss staff. Maybe he has one or two I can headhunt and then mothball Maid!


I am so grateful that Dumpty didn’t have cancer. It was just an awful time, both being told that was what it certainly looked like and then the agonising wait for the results of the biopsy, which  thankfully was Eosinophilic Glossitis and easily treatable by steroids.

So it was good to have something really nice and positive happen for her. Which came as a bolt from the blue!

There was a photography competition by The Guardian newspaper so I fired off a picture of Madam. Gourmet cat food were introducing Archie the gorgeous new gourmet ambassador cat who is part of the Purina advertising campaign. My picture of snooty pantaloons won! We received a hamper full of Gourmet goodies for her nibs and I had a Fortnum and Mason hamper which was just fabulous. Madam is now being fed her goodies on her designer duvet on the bed and I love her more than ever – even if she doesn’t ‘do’ grateful!!


Dogs Come when Called

"Dogs come when called. Cats take a message and get back to you."

"Of course, every cat is really the most beautiful woman in the room."

Edward Verrall Luca (essayist)

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