Gabes and Chav CatI used to LOVE sneaky sniffs! I’d sneak up on Chav Cat, the obese porkie tortie here at Tom Cat Towers, then sniff her bottom. It drove her nuts. She would round on me, spit, hiss, swear and growl, but I’d be two rooms away by then, sniggering. She could never catch me. It was hilarious fun! But now I have another game; indulging in another cat’s discomfort …. Lord Reginald’s.

He arrived here at Tom Cat Towers under a cloud of the utmost secrecy as he retired from public life. He was a posh paws of the utmost pedigree. A former stud cat. A show cat with an impressive collection of silver and rosettes. Just an all-round superstar.

Lord Reginald Desmond Vagabond of Tom Cat Towers was perfection personified. …..

Chav Cat was completely smitten. She instantly fell in love with Reggie. Reggie was utterly horrified! He had escorted lady cats of supreme breeding, members of the public were delighted to meet him, he was THE cat before retirement. So, a lardy old, grubby, foul-mouthed cat, with filthy claws and a massive weight problem and bad breath that could fell trees, making her intentions towards him VERY clear, left him almost fainting with revulsion and avoiding her at every opportunity!

Chav CatChavvers no longer minds me sniffing her. The hilarious response I used to get no longer happens as she just lies on the carpet like a slug making cow-eyes at Reggie. She can barely lift her massive bulk off the carpet when I slope by and take a sneaky sniff. She is too wrapped up in her total adoration of Reggie.

Reggie has taken to quietly poddling down the garden on his own to just watch the mice in the ancient hedgerow. He’s not interested in catching them. He’s just fascinated by them scurrying round after seeds dropped by birds from feeders higher up in the branches.

Chav Cat is a killer, and despite her hugely corpulent tummy which flops from side to side as she walks, often brings a mouse home for our human. No doubt she just flattens them with her porkie tortie bulk or rolls on them, she’s too fat and slow to actually chase them.

Reggie with a catnip mouseReggie has no intention of catching mice. The only mouse he likes, is his catnip mouse which he likes to bat round the lawn, then launch into space now and again.

Reggie with Chav Cat's gift of a mouse She is so besotted with Reggers that today, after a good snooze lying on her back like a scabby walrus, her mucky claws filled with dried dirt, she ambled down the garden and caught a mouse. Poor thing died of fright at the sight of her. She then walked over to Lord Reginald with the poor mouse dangling from her chipped, yellowed fangs and dropped it at his paws like a sort of love offering. She was so pleased with herself and her gift.

Reggers didn’t know what to do. He was utterly repulsed and decided that the only dignified response was to ignore the love offering and its bearer. So, he began to walk, tail erect, back past the row of international catnip bushes, and into the house with Chav Cat clopping noisily behind him, convinced her love-gift was about to pay dividends.

I can’t wait to see what happens next …………..


Five Good Reasons for Having Your Cat Neutered

  • Reduces fighting, injury and noise
  • Reduces spraying and smelling
  • Much less likely to wander and get lost
  • Safer from diseases like feline AIDS, mammary tumours and feline leukaemia
  • Reduces the number of unwanted kittens