Denver eating his biscuitsOK - whoever dreamt up this "diet" nonsense needs to be taken to You All Know Where for a temperature check where the sun doesn't shine!

It all started last year - I have always loved my food, but in my last home, there was competition - me, my furry mum and my sister and brother all arguing over the food bowls. It has got better now - no other competition, and a nice private chip activated cat flap to keep out unwanted dinner guests. Plus, I'm a pretty friendly type of guy (if I say so myself!) and I have been "two timing" mum (she does know about it) and been getting titbits from the neighbours. Of course, that did lead to a few ounces going on, but I thought, "what the heck, I can always burn it off."

Then came my annual check-up - oh dear! You Know Who weighed me, and I'd gained too much weight - so less food. Mum put me on 1 pouch a day, plus tooth biscuits and some special "fat burning" biscuits I hadn't had before (all food amounts are for 2 meals) - they weren't bad, actually. But oh, was I hungry! It didn't help when Mum got her new job so far away either, as meal times grew further apart. 

Well, it did work - a few weeks ago, I'd slimmed down ok, and the Nurse proudly proclaimed me "Slimmer of the month" - I even got a mention on the Vet page on this Facebook thingy you humans like so much! Then, a friend came round to see me - he helps feed me when Mum goes on holiday (she feeds their cat when they go away too, so a very convenient arrangement). He tells Mum off, saying I'm really hungry, she's being cruel, I can't go that long on these rations etc. Don't get me wrong - he is a very nice fella, and he, mum and his partner get on really well. 

Anyway, mum immediately starts feeding 2 pouches a day, plus the biscuits. Ah, the relief! It didn't last long though - last Friday I had to have my next weigh-in - and I'd gained weight again! So now, I'm back on the single pouch, 3 tooth biscuits, and yet more of this fat burning biscuit stuff. I'm just hoping to lose the weight again, but I do think Mum won't be so easily swayed to going back to a single pouch a meal in the future. 

Still, mustn't grumble (too much), I know how lucky I am to have 2 square meals a day (wonder why they are called square meals if they are served in a round bowl?)  - many unlucky street cats don't even have that to eat, and I know Mum has my best interests at heart. 


Oh, do shut up stomach!

Denver in Devon, England

Dogs Come when Called

"Dogs come when called. Cats take a message and get back to you."

"Of course, every cat is really the most beautiful woman in the room."

Edward Verrall Luca (essayist)