Bilbo and the new kitchen Sorry I haven’t been around for a while. I’ve had a tough few months, because we’ve had a new kitchen. I’d advise you strongly to move out and look for a new family if this ever happens to you. I was unfortunately caught completely unawares and had to put up with my food bowl temporarily being moved into Dad’s study. Imagine! The food there tasted quite awful, and consequently I’ve lost weight. The vet confirmed it only yesterday. Not that the humans seem to care.

We’re back to normal now, thank goodness, but if truth be told the new kitchen isn’t much different from before. They should have kept the old one, where I was easily able to reach my bag of food in the cupboard when the door was left open. And the new little snoozing shelf I discovered early on has been filled with so many cookery books, I can barely fit any more. But oh well, life goes on, and with peace restored in the house, I once again find time to ponder, which I like a lot.

Bilbo looking for zombiesI ponder, for instance, on how slow some humans are to understand simple concepts. Take one example: every night, when Mum and Dad are ready to go to bed, Dad calls me to come inside. I’m usually out and about somewhere in the blackberry jungle next door, and I’m busy, so of course I ignore him. He calls and calls, his voice gets louder and shriller until everyone in the village knows my name and all the mice and rabbits have scuttled out of reach. Eventually – and this can take quite a long time – he goes back inside and emerges with my packet of Dreamies, which he rustles and shakes. Obviously, I turn towards home then, at a relaxed pace and with a number of stops on the way to check for any zombies I might have overlooked. You can never be careful enough. The flower pots just by the door, for instance, are notorious zombie territory, so it’s worth stopping to sniff each one. Dad just doesn’t get that, I think. Too impatient. He’ll be sorry one day, when the zombies get him.

Bilbo and TammyI also ponder about the bossy Tammy, who’s been behaving very strangely of late. She spends nearly all her time under Mum and Dad’s big bed, and even though she eats loads and gets food whenever she asks for it (while I am kept on a very strict regime!) she gets thinner and thinner. Mum fusses over her and mixes all kinds of delicious things into her meals, like cottage cheese – I NEVER get cottage cheese – and sometimes even a little bit of my fish, and she lies down with her after lunch for a nap and cuddle. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not jealous – well, not very – just confused about all this new behaviour. She’s not even bossy any longer. Mum says I have to be kind to Tammy because she’s nineteen and a half, and I’m only six! Well – can I help it? It seems a bit unfair, but I’m doing my best anyway. I sit next to her in the garden when it’s a sunny day, to keep her company, and sometimes we touch noses. That’s when I’ve noticed that she smells unwell, so I haven’t boffed her on the head for ages, and if any strange cats ever came near her, I’d defend her, of course, as a matter of honour.

So if you don’t mind, spare a little purr and a soft paw rub for Tammy. I think she needs it right now. And keep your paws crossed there will be no further renovations in the house, and that Dad remembers to bring the Dreamies out with him in the first place when he calls me in at night. And that I get to try some of that cottage cheese.

Till the next time


Since Bilbo wrote his ponderings, we were greatly saddened to learn that Tammy had gone to Rainbow Bridge on 21st June. Our thoughts and prayers are with Bilbo and his human family.


Dogs Come when Called

"Dogs come when called. Cats take a message and get back to you."

"Of course, every cat is really the most beautiful woman in the room."

Edward Verrall Luca (essayist)