No sooner had they come back from Greece, but I noticed, through a very hazy eye, that the side gate was open. 

Yet the Great Cat sent me a couple of cat lovers, who saw me, picked me up and took me back to their home.  

JimmyNow, I’ve never in my 1½ years here, been around the front. But I thought, why not? However, I was very disorientated after 10 days in the cattery, and couldn’t get my bearings. It was getting a little out of hand.

Yet the Great Cat sent me a couple of cat lovers, who saw me, picked me up and took me back to their home. I got fed and loved it [1] in their bathroom, on a very comfortable mat.

My keepers realised I was missing after about 30 minutes. The next door neighbour told them what had happened. So, they came to my temporary ‘digs’, thanked my rescuers, and carried me back to my real home, which is about 300 yards away.

Smiles and purring all round. New lock on the gate, told the window cleaner to ensure it is always shut in future, and Jimmy lives to continue his column, which this month - no surprise here - is about the Olympics.

Now, first of all, I have to be careful. Can I even use the word Olympics? Can writing about the Ol*m*i** mean I’m queering the pitch of the new saviours of the world, the ******* sponsors?

The taxpayers in the UK have forked out a mere £10 billion for no lasting return, and the sponsors stand to gain hugely in advertising and sales of their wares, so why shouldn’t the tail wag the dog?

My keeper read that one brown-enveloped visionary - I think it was the head of the ******* corrupt [ion] division, who said “Without the sponsors, there would be no ********”

Oh really? So a large part of the £10 billion must be spent on putting rockets on the top of tower blocks, battleships in the Thames and more soldiers than posted in Afghanistan on the streets? And I wondered who ‘sponsored’ the first and many subsequent games before you realised life couldn’t be sustained without bribery and corruption? Check out Havelange, ex International ******* Committee big shot, and ex-FIFA [world football] president and receiver of bungs.

And as you now live [you always have lived, but it was kept hidden] in a world which rewards failure for those in power, then still paying a bonus to a ‘security’ [security, the highest level of human achievement] company that makes a mockery of its contractual commitments is par for the course.

Why don’t you get the sponsors, some of whom by the way have been involved in murder, [but do your own research] to sponsor the army, and police? Many of them ‘sponsor’ schools, universities, other sports, politicians, doctors, the National Health Service, charities and most important things in life anyway.

[A little bird has just told me, they sponsor the police already]

But please don’t get the wrong idea. These sponsors may exist as profit-making organisations, and have to get a return on their largesse, but they are all doing it as a gesture of goodwill, a boost to the ‘grass roots’ of sport. It surely has nothing to do with hooking children on teeth and body-rotting sugar-laden drinks, which science has proven have no beneficial effects, or getting people to buy £200 trainers which work less efficiently than bare feet?

The problem, if it is one, perhaps it is more part of the fabric of your existence, is that a good thing, i.e. sport, the discipline of athletics, the joy of winning, the wonderful example being set to young people is in bed with corrupt, control-freak and health-destroying corporations which despise humanity.

Over the top? Well, how many athletes dedicate their achievements to eating salt, fat and sugar [yes sugar] ridden burgers, and guzzling metal dissolving, teeth rotting and metabolism-altering fizzy drinks? Don’t you think these ‘products’ may be at odds with the ******* spirit?

I saw the joy on the face of my male keeper yesterday, when he saw Bradley Wiggins win the Tour de France. Who, unless you have no interest in football, can fail to be inspired by the artistry and grace of the likes of Spain and Brazil? Who is not moved by any kind of human achievement?

[Some] sports people can be the best role models, but many have been hoodwinked, bribed or are just too stupid to realise what they endorse is unhealthy at best, poison at worst?

I can say all this with impunity, as I am coming to the end of my present incarnation, and I’ve seen it all. Your world is undergoing massive shocks, and endless revelations about the nature of those who run your institutions, but some of you prefer to keep your head firmly in the sand bucket.

It is interesting that one big pharmaceutical company is telling us that it has invested heavily in ‘helping’ the ‘authorities’ to improve their detection of illegally doped athletes. I’m wondering why that same company has just been found guilty of promoting ‘legal’ [much slower kill] drugs in the ‘biggest health care fraud case in history?’

Given that my words are true, is it because I’m ‘sponsored’ by the Great Cat? If I am, and by the way S/he doesn’t pay very well - in fact nothing - then Mr Brown Envelope may have something after all.

The reality is we are all ‘sponsored’ by the Great Cat. So, no sponsorship, no life.

There we have it. We knew it all along. The corporate sponsors of the ******** are doing God’s work. Well at least through the eyes and words of their propaganda, sorry public relations, departments.

Mind how you go.

Love & Light, Jimmy, July 2012.

[1] Am I allowed to use this phrase?

The Very Best Toy for Cats

"Of all the [cat] toys available, none is better designed than the owner himself. A large multipurpose plaything, its parts can be made to move in almost any direction. It comes completely assembled, and it makes a noise when you jump on it."

Stephen Baker