Well, it’s that time of year again. Again. My keepers are off to my spiritual home, Greece.  

How would it be if we cats were as intelligent as most of you at the present time?  

Jimmy_March_2012To work, of course. Last year, they went three times, not sure how it will pan out given the death grip of those running the planet on the crucible of one of the most wonderful ancient civilisations.

I’m told they have come across a Jimmy clone [Dmitri] on most of their visits. Coincidence, eh? We grey and white cats are rare you know.

And how do you explain, on their last visit, they ran five day long workshops and gave four 1½ hour talks in three cities and travelled over 600 miles in seven days? And I’ve heard that most nights they were getting to bed anytime between 12 and 2 p.m. And in case I haven’t told you they are not in their 20’s. And no, they are not in perpetual training.

Which leads me nicely on to the Great Pyramid at Giza in Egypt. It has over 2½ million stones each weighing anything between a few tons to over 70 tons. ‘They’ have worked out it took 20 years to build. If that is true, it means each stone was put in place every two minutes. Do I need to go on about hauling the stones up to the pyramid using ramps, ropes and logs?

Your friend and mine, Darwinist Attenborough would be struggling here. The core of Darwinism is evolution through survival of the fittest. So how would he explain the ‘inferior’ Egyptians using technology beyond your current comprehension a few thousand years ago?

What is common to these accounts and the wonderful cases of cat and animal heroism and intelligence you read in this fine publication?

Awareness, consciousness or whatever you wish to call it. But first, everyone needs to have and keep an open mind.

I note how Milo positions herself to stop me [yes, me! She wouldn’t have dared when I was in my prime] and Daisy getting past her [mostly to the dish of course] these days. How we all know when they are going away and putting us in the cattery. How Milo and one of her predecessors Sammy, ‘disappeared’ about five minutes before my keepers go out. And re-appear in the street to follow them. You know how it goes.

How would it be if we cats were as intelligent as most of you at the present time? Forgive me, but if intelligence is defined as watching mindless nonsense on your TV screens, eating poisonous food, re-fitting your homes with mercury laden light bulbs, starving yourselves of Vitamin D because the sun is portrayed as your enemy [think about it] and many more I have listed in previous rants, then you are not in our league!

The truth is many [all of you if you want it] of you are capable of just about anything. Here’s another example. Do you use YouTube? Type in: Alice Herz Sommer. She is 108 and lives on her own in a London flat, and is completely self-sufficient. She plays the piano three hours every day. She survived cancer in her 80’s. But that’s only half of it, as you will soon discover...

Regular readers of this column will know my favourite expression is cui bono? Which is Latin for ‘who benefits?’ To that you might add, who do you listen or pay attention to?

So, if you are wondering about the state of your health, the state of this country and world in general, you may hear the voices of the ‘news’ readers, politicians, advertisers and ‘authority’ figures. And if you keep hearing the voices of or images of your parents or caretakers, then forgive them, because they were and are programmed too.

Now I notice what I notice. I notice my dish is empty. But I notice myself paying attention to the dish more than I would like to admit to. So, by realising I have that train of thought, I can change it. My kittenhood experience of lack is what triggered this belief. My belief is I might go hungry. And of course, my parents had the same belief, which from their cellular memory is how I got it too.

So, I have choices! But, sorry to disappoint you, I have chosen to keep thinking about the dish. You see, the state of humankind often temporarily depresses me, in case you hadn’t noticed. So, the dish is an indulgence. I know as long as live here, it will never be empty for any length of time, despite Milo’s best efforts.

Perhaps we all need a constant in lives deliberately made chaotic by those currently in charge of this insane world of yours. And perhaps we are the constant in that world for you…


The Very Best Toy for Cats

"Of all the [cat] toys available, none is better designed than the owner himself. A large multipurpose plaything, its parts can be made to move in almost any direction. It comes completely assembled, and it makes a noise when you jump on it."

Stephen Baker