My keepers went to the Greek Island of Symi [near Rhodes] last week. And whilst I was at the cattery, I used the opportunity to both be in two places at once [bi-location], and to shape shift [only slightly of course, as you can see below]. 


Was Bush’s wife Barbara the illegitimate daughter of Aleister Crowley?

JimmyI observed their whole journey from Manchester Airport to Greece and back. Have you ever paid attention to the messages you have at airports? Last call, check out, final destination, terminal…

When they arrived at Rhodes airport, unlike me, they needed to catch a ferry from Rhodes to the island. Too long a delay would mean an overnight stay in Rhodes, for a ferry the next day. One ‘old hand’ trotted out his tales of woe. There was a delay with unloading baggage ...

Eventually on Symi, they noticed an increasing number of female tourists, and unfortunately young Greek women hiding behind ridiculous over-large Victoria Beckham cloned sunglasses. The chief pre-occupation of female teenagers seemed to be who could strike the ‘best’, ‘sexiest’, i.e. most vacuous facial expression.

We felines see the beauty in the female of our species without their modelling themselves on some plastic media creation. Can you imagine cats dying their fur, having silicone implants, and classifying life as either a photographic or non-photographic opportunity?

Forgive me, I did promise to keep off my soapbox.

The few days I spent in Symi hanging around begging [appearing cute, and boy does it work] at the restaurant of my keepers’ hotel was educational. Almost all tourists loved me and my fellow cuties. The odd few wanted us out of it, but the relaxing rhythm of life must have stopped them, or it would be ‘uncool’ to do so.

The owner of a shop on the harbour talked about various people who had sailed into Yialos Harbour on Symi. George Bush Snr; Tom Hanks; and a host of other ‘celebrities.’ Was Bush’s wife Barbara the illegitimate daughter of Aleister Crowley ["The Wickedest Man in the World"]? He despaired about how some young Greeks were turning to alcohol and crime.

Whilst I was there, some poor human asylum seekers [are cats in rescue shelters asylum seekers?] from Iraq had been captured by the port police. The police station was next to the hotel. They seemed to be actually enjoying their stay, and were regularly let out of the cells. In fact had they wanted to escape, it would have been as easy as walking down some stairs. I think your expression “Another sh**** day in paradise” was made for this situation.

After a relaxing week for all of us, both in Symi and for me at the cattery too, the day before my keepers were due to leave, they ‘bumped into’ [you are a clumsy bunch!] an English couple who had been to Symi for the last six years. Can you guess the rest?

“Rhodes airport is chaotic; you will have to wait for hours, and be lucky to get out.”

The coach taking my keepers from Rhodes harbour arrived 1½ hours early at the airport. So no check-in desk was allocated. A few problems occurred with luggage x-rays. Rumours of charging people for over-heavy suitcases spread like wildfire. Does it say limit 20 kilograms on your flight tickets? And people bring cases weighing 25, 30, and 40 kgs?

A woman in the check-in queue was knocked to the floor just behind my keepers by a man running for his flight. They both volunteered some healing for her, and she recovered far quicker than expected. The woman was naturally grateful, but the shock of being healed resulted in her subsequently avoiding my keepers like the plague, as it didn’t fit her ‘reality.’

The luggage rumours were unfounded. It was far quicker being processed at Rhodes airport than at Manchester.

The asylum seekers were fed and treated very well, but had to be sent to Athens.

The shop owner would be sent the book ‘Happier Than God’ by Meal Donald Fisch [Neale Donald Walsch].

There was no delay in getting to Symi. This summer two animal welfare agencies had got together to ensure we cats [and dogs and horses] would be better treated in future.

I created my great week in Symi. My keepers, when off guard and reacting instead of creating the kind of reality they wanted, witnessed and occasionally entered into a nightmare world of spiralling doom and gloom, posing and pointlessness, Aleister Crowley, chaos, illegal immigration and turbulence on the aircraft.

Stepping out of it, they had 90 degree heat, cloudless skies, a great hotel, brilliant meals, warm and wonderful Greeks, too many cute cats and ‘Jimmy from Symi.’ Even the turbulence stopped!

We cats are forever cheerful. Our nature is eternal optimism. So, my wonderful human friends, join me once more in the celebration of life, and let go of the one those who run the planet would have you buy into.

The brilliant Greek shop keeper is also an optimist. He finished his moan about youth by saying ‘Hope Dies Last.’ According to him, it is of Greek origin. According to Catta Benitez [Liverpool Football Club’s manager], La esperanza es lo último que se pierde is Spanish.

‘Jimmy your Greek Correspondent from Symi’  July 2008

Fernando Torres para el presidente!

© Jack Stewart

Dogs Come when Called

"Dogs come when called. Cats take a message and get back to you."

"Of course, every cat is really the most beautiful woman in the room."

Edward Verrall Luca (essayist)