Remember I told you in my last piece that we were moving? Well we are, guaranteed before Christmas. So, my next story will give you the details. 

And yet since I came here, my world has got better. 

You’ll be pleased to hear I’m still the optimist, but my conditioning around meal times is very hard to shake off.

Mind you, my keepers have been investing a lot of time recently into all this stuff about ‘creating our own reality.’

If I did, the house here would be floor to ceiling cat food, and Max & Joey [next door’s cats] would never come into our yard again!

I reckon it’s a load of stale cat litter. Would I have decided to scrap and struggle for everything as a kitten? Would I have gone on into the woods for food when I was desperate? And if I create my reality, do you think the rabbits and birds would dream up someone like me?

And yet since I came here, my world has got better. So much so, I can’t cope at times. They want to fuss me and if they pick me up, they get the straight paw treatment. I love being fussed, but find it a bit overwhelming, and it’s not very macho is it?

If a world of wall-to-wall ‘My Cat’ suddenly emerged, I’d guts out for a few days, and then would have to stop. Though Max & Joey are a nuisance, what would I do during my waking hours if they disappeared?

When times were rough, I dreamed of a better life. I now have it. Like you people, now I think someone will take it off me. I suppose if I think about that hard and long enough, they will.

I know they don’t read my column, so I can admit to loving Ch’Bee, Milo and Poppy. Even Harry. I can’t say Max & Joey can I?

Do you know what’s made a massive difference too? Not watching all that doom and gloom on Cat Channel 24. The politicians want to scare us to death, and then manipulate us together with their friends to buy useless stuff that kills us, and get rid of our freedoms.

No, there might even be something in this ‘creating our own reality’ business after all…

A house with a wood behind it, in a cul-de-sac, large garden, away from the main road. Plenty of places to hide, not far from where my keepers used to live. Near to nature, yet a decent walk from suburbia. I even have somewhere in mind…


Jack Stewart MSc©

The Very Best Toy for Cats

"Of all the [cat] toys available, none is better designed than the owner himself. A large multipurpose plaything, its parts can be made to move in almost any direction. It comes completely assembled, and it makes a noise when you jump on it."

Stephen Baker