Had a mogicure last night. The tips of my specially sharpened claws were clipped off by Maid. She calls them ‘lazy-cat claws’ as I don’t go outside. Not sure about the blunt ends, but they feel so much nicer shortened.

Dumpty drinking water from the tapI shall have to sharpen them up again. There is a scratching post in the lounge, but it’s communal. Dippi and Willi use it, even though they go out and sharpen their claws on the side of the shed and old trees. It’s covered in old claw sheaths, which is a bit yukky. It’s also a good 15 metrewalk from my really comfy duvet which can be a bit tiresome.

Instead I sharpen my claws on the end corner of Maid’s £1,000 new handmade bed. I have shredded my way through two valances and the base of the mattress now resembles a coconut. So much easier on my claws than a sisal scratching post. I don’t think that Maid has noticed the damage!

I sat by the French windows this morning. It’s too rainy for my blackbirds to come down to amuse me. I did watch Maid out in the driving rain servicing my grit boxes. I often wonder what she does with the contents of the grit box. Does she have a collection of my droppings in the shed? Humans are very strange creatures; they do collect the most bizarre of things.

It was quite a grim day. Gingie-crew both came in soaking wet and dirty from their forays outside, then wolfed down the cat meat that had been put down for them this morning. It had dried and gone crusty, most unappetising, and half of it had fallen of the plate and stuck to the floor. What was left over was soon down Mikey-Mike’s greedy neck when he put in an appearance in the kitchen.

I needed something to amuse myself, so leapt onto the work surface in the kitchen by the Bliss Spa Executive Suite after Mikey-Mike had been shut outside again. I found a dripping tap so I cautiously tried lapping at the drops of water.

Soon got bored, I don’t do self service, that’s what I employ Maid for.

Maid’s version!

Dumpty’s claws get quite long and sharp as she is such a lazy, indoors cat. Crunch comes when she starts puncturing my skin when she pads and purrs on my tummy through my nightie or the sheet first thing in the morning before the 7am alarm goes off! I almost think she must know that she’s inflicting pain on my bare skin, the more I wince the more she seems to enjoy it and can become a bit more industrial in her massaging!

She doesn’t mind me clipping the ends of the claws off. But little monkey has ruined the corners of my new bed!! She has also ripped my hand embroidered valance to bits –the second on in a year! She sometimes has a good claw at the sisal mat by the front door.

I wish I could get Dippi-Duck to eat dry cat food. My heart fell when I walked into the kitchen and saw the mess the cats had made in cat-food-corner. The congealed gravy and jelly had dried on the floor, but that didn’t stop Mikey-Mike gobbling it up.

Dogs Come when Called

"Dogs come when called. Cats take a message and get back to you."

"Of course, every cat is really the most beautiful woman in the room."

Edward Verrall Luca (essayist)

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