Chapter 6: Cheese heaven

I’ve just discovered cheese! It’s fantastic.

Whenever my human heads for the kitchen I am not too far behind crocodiling my way after her as quick as my clumpy paws will allow. The kitchen is an incredible place for food. Not just my tigers and the sachets and tins of cheap-crap, but cupboard, fridges and freezers where the human stores food. Whilst I am getting to like cat food, my main joy is the stuff that my human eats, so I have become quite the professional at begging for scraps.

The only problem is the ginger gut-truck queers my pitch as he tags along not too far behind when he thinks food is in the offing. So whenever the human is preparing food in the kitchen there are two starved moggies sitting right behind her feet, mewling pathetically and pouring out cupboard love.

I have learned that at night when the human plonks herself down with some red wine, nibbles are usually then brought out so she can munch, slurp and slob in front of the TV. Rich pickings for a savvy cat.

If I sit right in front of her on her foot rest and give her a really hard stare as I shake and wobble, it then gets the sympathy vote as little bits are handed down to me. She scrapes the fat off pork scratchings, (diet scratchings she calls them – Oh, how she kids herself!!) Then she hands the fatty bits down to me. I sniff them as I’m concentrating and I really go into head-shake overdrive trying not to head butt the offering. Then I lunge and snap at what’s on offer.

Last week the human had a plate of cheese and bits were proffered to me. At first I was a bit suspicious as I tried very hard to concentrate sniffing it without it going right up my nose. Then ‘snap’ it was in my mouth. Heaven!! I am so into soft brie, cheddar and, oh, this is really wonderful . . .  cheese string! What fabulous food the humans invent for themselves!

Then something totally incredible appeared. Cheese in a tube! I sat whilst she gently squeezed the tube and unlimited soft, creamy cheese is pumped into my mouth. I love my human and I love what she eats!

Dumpty refuses to eat human food. She thinks it’s beneath her. Even Gut-Truck is very picky about human food. He doesn’t touch ham, cheese or pork, he gets called Kosher Cat! I eat everything that’s put before me I can’t believe what an old picky-pants the ginger wuss can be. But a cat that doesn’t like cheese. What’s wrong with him?

Willi’s version

The human had cheese this week, which Dippi has gone doo-lally over (can't stand the stuff myself).

Dippi paddles round in circles her odd paws clomping on the floor as she constantly opens her mouth in silent yells and meows demanding cheese. The human always succumbs to Dippi's demands, she's a soft touch! Dippi then  shakes her head up and down as she sniffs the proffered bit of cheese then snaps it down her neck.

Something new has arrived at Tom Cat Towers; soft cheese in a tube. Dippi had first dibs as the human offered it to her. She quite liked it. Then I had a sniff and I was absolutely addicted, I couldn’t get it down my chops quick enough!! How come cheese never came onto my radar before?

Needless to say the fluffy grey Floozy pants just turned her finely tuned pedigree snout up at the cheese in the tube. Good, all the more for me. I need sustenance, all this caring duty is quite wearing me out!!