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KITTEN
DIARIES #7
A strange thing has happened since Charlie went away. Everyone keeps fighting everyone else – ‘cept me and Garfield and Timmy. Ricky, who normally minds his own business and spends most of his day under the Mexican orange plant in the garden, or wedged in a tub, keeps standing at the back door giving everyone a whack as they walk past him. It’s a bit of a surprise to walk through the cat flap and receive a thwack across the back of your head for no good reason. Even Billy hit out at Garfield and that just IS NOT allowed. He is the NUMERO UNO and no one should raise a paw in his direction. Garfield just gave Billy a withering look and a bit later on Billy went to him and said sorry. He gave Garfield a kiss and washed his face a bit for him to say he really was sorry. I hope this doesn’t go on for too long, as I don’t like surprises just as I’m coming in from a walk.
Tuesday, 22nd July Mum was sitting watching something on television when I came in with a very special present for her. I didn’t know what it was but it was huge. At first Mum thought it was a bat because it had big black wings. ‘Ollie?’ she said, and I know a big interrogation scene is coming up. ‘Mmmmmm,’ I answered trying not to open my mouth too wide. ‘What is that in your mouth?’ ‘Erm….’ But it was too late. Whatever it was flew out of my mouth and straight up Mum’s skirt, which was a pretty short one. Everything seemed to go in slow motion after that while happening very quickly if you know what I mean. Mum did one of her faces again – only this time her mouth opened wide but no scream came – it was a look of utter surprise. She did make a funny noise though, now I come to think of it, and danced around a bit holding her skirt out wide in front of her so that the creature would fly out again. In the end she pulled her skirt off as quickly as she could and the sight of her dancing around in her knickers flapping her skirt trying to dislodge the unknown creature which was hanging on tenaciously with several legs was more than Sam could bear. Almost convulsed with suppressed giggles he left the room followed by Billy and Timmy who were almost wetting themselves. Only Garfield remained and he would do, because he supports Mum through thick and thin. Eventually the creature fell off her skirt and went in Mum’s handbag which unfortunately was open at the time. All the contents were spilled out onto the floor in a bid to get the creature before Mum went to bed. That handbag goes everywhere with her and she didn’t want the creature flapping it’s massive wingspan around in her bedroom. Garfield and I were sitting on the sofa watching all this unfold before our disbelieving eyes. How could an innocent little (well, all right then – MASSIVE) present cause so much mayhem? Finally, breathing a sigh of relief Mum found it and nearly flew out of her knickers in shock. It was the biggest moth she had ever seen. We’re not talking those little tiny things, which flutter around looking tiny and pathetic. Oh no! This was a mega-moth of ginormous proportions – and I’d caught it! She carefully put some kitchen paper around it and gingerly took it to the front door. Opening the front door and holding the paper with its booty at arm’s length, she released a corner and watched as the mega-moth flew away – its huge wingspan almost blocking the moon. She stood there for a while until she was sure the moth had gone and only realised, when she noticed a car driving backwards and forwards up and down the road, that she was still just in her knickers!!
Thursday, 24th July
Mum was looking for me everywhere and when she came into her bedroom, she called me and I popped up (rather fortunately) through the ‘Ollie-sized’ hole and she laughed her head off. ‘Ollie’, she said, ‘you’re so funny. You know how to cheer me up.’ So it’s not all Plums and Custard – which makes a change.
Friday, 1st August It’s my birthday today and I’m one year old. Mum took lots of pictures of me wearing a funny Father Christmas hat but I didn’t mind. I think I looked quite cool. Strictly speaking, now that I’m one, I’m not really a kitten anymore but I don’t mind writing my diaries for you to read – it gives me something to do instead of getting into mischief. Everyone gave me a kiss and Mum gave me some catnip which she sprinkled onto this scratch post which has a ring around the outside which a ball rushes round if you push it hard enough with your paws. Catnip is really great. It gives you a nice feeling and after I’d gorged myself on it for a while, I lay down on the sofa and slept for hours.
Tuesday, 12th August Brought my first real bird home this morning. Mum came out of the bathroom to find me under the dining room table flicking it in the air like I do with the catnip mice toys. She was something called livid as she saw me playing and said – very sharply, I felt, for that time of the morning – ‘NO! Ollie!’ Her tone of voice took me by surprise and I stopped what I was doing. She picked me up – rather roughly I felt, for that time of the morning – and put me outside. I tried to get back in but she had shut the lobby door so I couldn’t. When I was allowed back in I ran to where I’d left the bird but it wasn’t there. Rather sharply again, I felt, for that time of the morning, she said – ‘All gone, Ollie. Birdie all gone.’ I could see THAT!!!! But before I could ask her ‘Where Birdie all gone?’ she had left the room which meant end of subject.
Monday, 18th August It’s Mum’s birthday today and she had shedloads of something called birthday cards. The PostMan knocked on the door and gave her a kiss as well. I should think it was out of relief that once he’d given her all the cards, his bag was virtually emptied and his back would stop aching. I wanted to count all the cards that she had spread all over the front room. Trouble was - I kept losing count, so I touched each card and when Mum came back from shopping later in the morning she couldn’t understand why all the cards were on the floor. I was fast asleep on the sofa – all that counting had really worn me out.
Wednesday, 20th August A strange thing happened today. Mum came home with a tiny little black and white kitten called Rosie. She’d been left in a cardboard box on the step at the vets and as Mum was coming out of the vets, she found the box.
Rosie is going to live with Mum’s friend, but we all came to see her. Mum said I looked like a giant up against her which was funny as I’m still quite a little boy really. Sam looked massive – because he is! And poor Rosie wasn’t sure what to make of him. Garfield said hello as he always does and he washed her face which surprised her. Then she curled up and went to sleep in the corner of the sofa. When Mum’s friend came later that evening to collect Rosie, Mum said ‘it’s nice to have a happy ending’ and little Rosie couldn’t have wished for a nicer home. What a day she’d had! It began like Paddington Bear, being left with a note, and then being given a new home – all in a single day! She’s a lucky little lady. |
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I
like hiding and Mum has an old fleecy thing on her bed that we all like to sleep
on. She put it there for us because it’s cosy and warm. It has a little hole
in it, which when I was playing hide and seek, I found and made it
‘Ollie-sized’.
PetShopMan
lent her a tiny little carrier, like the one I had when I first came to Mum’s
house and she brought Rosie home. Rosie is the smallest kitten I’ve ever seen.
I don’t remember being that small, but Mum said I had to be a good boy and not
hurt her. So I didn’t. I did smell her though but she puffed herself up as big
as she could manage to try and scare me but I just smiled at her – remembering
how kind Garfield was to me when I first came.
