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"Feline
Navidad"
 By
Stacy Mantle
An
excerpt from the book, "Conquering
the Food Chain: Living Amongst Animals (Without
Becoming One)"
"The
phrase 'domestic cat' is an oxymoron."
-
George
Will
The Christmas season is upon us, surrounding
us with good will, cheer, and neighbors competing to
see who can place the most strands of lights into one
electrical outlet. We wear holiday colors of red and
green, and we place little cloth reindeer antlers and
Santa hats on our pets heads. I love the holiday
season – the brisk, cool winter days of the desert
and the happiness that seems to exude from my fellow
drivers as they allow me to cut in front of them
during rush hour. I especially enjoy the thousands of
Christmas lights that decorate my neighbors homes, and
even more than that, I love to watch my
“anti-Christmas” cats struggle to bring them to
the ground. This is the time of year that we all place
Christmas decorations in our windows and ornaments on
our trees. Some of us do it more than once. . .
If you have animals in your house, you know why we
do it more than once...
In our house, for example, the tree is decorated on
a daily basis. This is a time of bonding between my
animals and I. While I enjoy the holidays, my pets
view them as an opportunity for destruction. There is
nothing better than climbing up to the top of the
newly decorated tree that now lives in the house. What
better life is there? They have the comfort and
security of a warm home, and the convenience of a live
tree inside. From a cat’s point of view, that is
heaven!
It’s no surprise then to find that cats view
Christmas as the best time of year. There are numerous
lights to knock to the ground, a giant tree to climb
in the house, and an unlimited number of loud little
balls to knock off the tree and roll around on the
floor. Let the games begin! This is, indeed, hockey
season for cats. On any given day, I can come home
from work to find at least one cat hiding in the tree,
knocking down the top most ornaments for the other
cats hockey pleasure. I like to call that one the
referee. The referee is always the first one to get
yelled at.
Here is a typical day in December for me: Wake up at 4
am, let the animals out of the house, let the animals
into the house, shower, put the animals into the yard,
drive to work, spend the day writing, drive home from
work, stop off at Petsmart for pet food, (if there is
enough cash left over, I sometimes pick up something
for myself at the supermarket), walk in my door and
step on an ornament. Cursing, I make my way through
the minefield of little glass balls that have been
knocked to the floor, set my groceries on the counter,
and head back to the tree. In that tree, I locate the
culprit responsible for the broken ornament, warn them
that if they don’t get out of the tree immediately,
I will take them right back to the shelter and remind
them of what the shelter does to destructive,
Christmas hating cats, which they immediately
recognize as an idle threat. Then I spend the evening
picking up broken ornament balls, and replacing them
with the stash that I keep for these purposes.
Last year, since I can no longer have tinsel
(animals love to eat the silvery stuff), I added a
beautiful string of pearls to my Christmas tree. These
are great fun for cats as they allow the opportunity
for a good game of tug-of-war and, if they
successfully move the game into the kitchen, are given
the added bonus of hearing the tinkling sounds of tiny
little balls on tile. These little pearl strings are
also replaced each day, sometimes as late as 2 am,
since that is the best cat play time.
Exterior
illumination presents a whole other challenge.
Christmas lights are wonderful for cats to sleep
against, as they provide heat, but are apparently even
more fun to chew on. This presents an obvious cat
health consideration. All of my extension cords are
covered with electrical tape to prevent chewing.
(Generally animals become bored once they have chewed
through the tape, thus never reaching the actual
cord). The lights are securely fastened with millions
of staples to the very edge of the roof. This way,
when the cat reaches over the roof to pull the lights
down, it faces the possibility of falling to the
ground below (something that has occurred on more than
one occasion).
And so, how
do we solve the problems that indoor trees present?
Personally, I spend the holidays walking around with a
spray bottle in one hand and a dustbuster in the
other. Gifts are never placed under the tree until the
morning of Christmas, (or they are opened each day by
over-anxious pets who are worse than children). Tree
cats are sprayed with water bottles that are kept in
nearly every corner of our home. Hockey cats are
subjected to the loud scream of a dustbuster, and
lights are securely wrapped in tape before they ever
reach the roof.
Yes, the
holiday season is here. So, keep your lights duct
taped and your spray bottle handy, and may you and
yours have a wonderful holiday season!
Read
Last Weeks's story: Teaching
A Coyote To Fetch
Other
Stories:
Feline
Navidad
Teaching
A Coyote to Fetch,
Once
Upon A Midnight Dreary,
Feral
Cat Day, Computer
Guide for Cat Lovers,
Just
Wait 'Till You Have Children of Your Own,
Diary
of A Cog,
How
To Pill A Cat,
Herding
Cats,
Sleeping With
the Enemy,
A
Fish Tale,
Do
Animals Have Souls,
The
Problem With Kittens,
Counterproductive
Behavior in Dogs,
Counterproductive
Behavior in Cats,
Cody
is My Sister's Dog,
Diary
of A Cog
About the
Author
Stacy Mantle is a freelance writer who
currently resides in the southwestern deserts of Arizona with
a number of cats, a coyote/wolf hybrid, and a very
understanding husband. Her writing has appeared in
publications such as The Arabian Horse Times, Today’s AZ
Woman, and Pets Illustrated. Many of her stories
and articles have been translated into several languages, and
now reach an international audience. Quickly becoming known as
"…the Erma Bombeck of animals", her writing has
skyrocketed to new heights as she records the stories of those
she loves, inspiring the reader to learn why we have all come
to love the animals we share our lives with. She is the author
of Conquering the Food Chain: Living Amongst Animals
(Without Becoming One), which is available in
Barnes & Noble bookstores nationwide, as well as online at
www.bn.com or
www.amazon.com.
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