COMPLAINT'S DEPARTMENT OF AN ANIMAL RESCUE CENTRE

submitted by Claire Hegarty, Ireland

The following are all genuine complaints that people give when contacting an animal rescue centre.

Press 1 if you think we are veterinarians and want free medical advice

Press 2 if you make $200,000 a year but still want us to pay to spay the "stray" in your yard

Press 3 if you have a 10 year old dog and your 15 year old son has suddenly become allergic and you need to find the dog a new home right away

Press 4 if you have 3 dogs, had a baby and want to get rid of your dogs because you are the only person in the world to have a baby and dogs at the same time

Press 6 if your dog is sick and needs a vet but you need the money for your vacation

Press 7 if you just got a brand new puppy and your old dog is having problems adjusting so you want to get rid of the old one right away

Press 8 if your little puppy has grown up and is no longer small and cute and you want to trade him for a new model

Press 9 if your relative has died and you don't want to care for their elderly pet because it doesn't fit your lifestyle

Press 10 if you are moving today and need to place your 150lb eight year old dog immediately if you please!

Press 11 if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to your home today and pick up the dog you no longer want

Press 12 if you have been feeding and caring for a "stray" for the last 3 years, are moving and suddenly determine it's not your dog

Press 13 if you are calling at 6am to make sure you wake us up before we go to work so you can drop a dog off on your way to work

Press 14 if you are going to get angry because we are not going to take the dog you have had for 15 years because it is not our responsibility

Press 15 if you are going to threaten to take your ten year old dog to be euthanised because we won't take it

Press 16 if you are going to get angry because the volunteers had the audacity to go on vacation and leave the phone work to a trusted volunteer who is not authorised to take your personal pet

Press 17 if you want one of the perfectly trained housebroken, kid friendly purebred tiny dogs that we have in abundance

Press 18 if you want us to take your dog that has a slight aggression problem, i.e. has only bitten a few people and killed your neighbour’s cats

Press 19 if you want us to use space that would go to a stray to board your personal dog while you are on vacation, free of charge, of course

Press 20 if you are lying to make one of our younger volunteers feel bad and take your personal pet off your hands

Press 21 if your two year old male dog is marking all over your house but you just haven't gotten around to having him neutered

Press 22 if you previously had an outdoor dog and are calling because she is pregnant

Press 23 if you have done "everything" to housebreak your dog and have had no success but you don't want to crate the dog because it is cruel

Press 24 if you left your work only phone number and are angry because our volunteers who also work were unable to call you back

Press 25 if you need a puppy immediately and cannot wait because today is your daughter's birthday and you forget when she was born

Press 26 if your new love doesn't like your dog and you are too stupid to get rid of the new friend (who will dump you in the next month anyway) instead of the dog

Press 27 if you went thru all these "presses" and didn't hear enough. This press will connect you to the sounds of tears being shed by one of our volunteers who is holding a discarded old dog, dying of grief because he misses his family.

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